When Being Primarily Single Isn’t So Fun
In 2014, I started a blog called Sex After Marriage. I was going through the transformation one does after coming out of an 18-year marriage with a man that I met at 17 years old. I was finding out who I was. I started this blog to chronicle my journey. I figured that if I was inspiring myself, I would surely inspire others.
In 2024, it’s now been 10 years. I thought it might be time to republish the blog with my “10-Year Take”. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s changed and what has stayed the same. This is a gift to myself as I come into my 50th year on this planet, the same age my mom lost her 2-year battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. In some ways, it feels like I’m on borrowed time. In other ways, I feel like I’m completing her incomplete journey. Mom, you are missed and I’m not sure I would have gotten here if I hadn’t had to feel the loss of you. Thank you for reading.
Dated January 29, 2015
**Update added to the end of original post**
The tears, they just don’t want to stop tonight. My emotions are sitting just under the surface of my eyelids, it seems. I blink and a few tears roll down my cheeks. I am delicate tonight. The memories of friends, the feeling of being alone and on my own creep up and steal any chance of being productive tonight. I can’t seem to do anything but journal and try to move through it.
Most days, I wear my independence as a badge of honor. I relish the quiet. There is an ease to life. I can chase my dreams. I am my own best cheerleader. I meet new people. I hear new stories. Life is rich with possibilities. I make new connections, though rarely are those connections the kind that excite my imagination and leave me with daydreams. But life is a giant possibility nonetheless.
Then there are those very few nights like tonight when I crave a special friend in bed next to me. The overheating from another body touching me. The sleepless night because I can’t turn off my brain because this beautiful person is next to me. The never knowing where to put my inside arm when it’s my turn to be the big spoon.
Tonight, I want to reach out and hug every one of my friends. I want to hand out those hugs that linger just a little too long. Tonight, I am “touch needy”, a phrase I use a lot.
I’m not always strong. I don’t always want to meet new people. Nights like tonight I just crave familiarity.
Thankfully, in Michelle’s world, I get to have it all, just not tonight.
**Update, the day after**
I woke feeling much better, as I expected. Then I went to breakfast with a friend. I needed good conversation more than anything. While I did have time with friends this week, it was a big group and not very intimate. I needed to share feelings and stories and just feel close to another adult. We all probably go through those times when we just need a connection. I am lucky to have that available to me. While breakfast was planned ahead of time, the timing ended up perfect. Intimacy isn’t about sex. Sex can be intimate. Kissing can be intimate. Cuddling can be intimate. But so can a conversation with a friend you can be vulnerable with.
10-Year Take:
It’s so interesting to read this 10 years later, with almost 10 years of offering cuddle therapy. I could have been a client. I would have probably been confused to hear of the modality but in retrospect, I had a lot of sex with people just to feel closeness. Back then though, I doubt I could have put it together.
Back then I used “touch needy”. Today I would say one of these:
Skin hunger
Touch hunger
Touch-starved
Affection-starved
or maybe even “attention-starved.”
What do you do to meet those very basic needs for touch and connection? Many use dating. Some manage with the one-way touch of massage therapy or getting their hair washed at the salon. Would you consider hiring a cuddle pro?
