Fun with Ropes – How I Learn About Myself

In 2014, I started a blog called Sex After Marriage. I was going through the transformation one does after coming out of an 18-year marriage with a man that I met at 17 years old. I was finding out who I was. I started this blog to chronicle my journey. I figured that if I was inspiring myself, I would surely inspire others. 

In 2024, it’s now been 10 years. I thought it might be time to republish the blog with my “10-Year Take”.  I’m looking forward to seeing what’s changed and what has stayed the same. This is a gift to myself as I come into my 50th year on this planet, the same age my mom lost her 2-year battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. In some ways, it feels like I’m on borrowed time. In other ways, I feel like I’m completing her incomplete journey.  Mom, you are missed and I’m not sure I would have gotten here if I hadn’t had to feel the loss of you. Thank you for reading.

Dated January 23, 2015

**If you have watched my videos here on this site, you know I have been exploring the world of BDSM since September.  You can also watch them here.**

We were acquaintances.  She’s always been very welcoming to me.  We have met at many social events but have never really gotten to know each other, though intentions have been there to do so.

Rope class was winding down.  Tonight’s topic was bondage for sex.  Fun, right?!  I wanted to learn a basic tie, but after that was accomplished, I just wanted to be tied.  One of the many fun things about bottoming for a rope is that most people get semi-naked.  This evening, I had that desire. I used to find myself apprehensive.  Most in the vanilla world would never consider getting down to bra and panties in a group setting.  But really, is it not the same as going to the beach? Either way, I have gotten comfortable, which reminds me of how far I have come.  Tonight, I wanted that reminder.  I like the reminder.  It was the most comfortable I have been yet, not thinking or wavering about sliding my pants off and pulling my blouse over my head.   Now I just had to find someone to practice the tie just demonstrated by our teachers.  A friend put me to use.  Mission accomplished.

Back to my story.  I was talking to the ginger-haired acquaintance, sharing our desire to be tied by the male of the couple teaching the class that evening.  He’s tied me before.  I have massive respect for him, and he teaches the class well.  He’s good.  And he’s fun.  The night was coming to an end; why not kill two birds with one stone?  Let’s ask if he will tie us together.

During my first rope scene, back in December, 2014.

Face to face.  He wrapped feet of rope around us, tying and winding.  It’s fun and intimate.  Snap!  The rope is whipped against my back.  My body reacts.  I have grown to love anticipation.  This time, it was the anticipation of not knowing when the next snap would hit.  He whips the end of the rope against the back of my partner, and I get the satisfaction of feeling her body react too.  New sensations that for 39 years I never experienced: fear and pain.  Combined, they make my heart race.  It reminds me that I am alive.  She, being much shorter than I leans in and sinks her teeth into my breast.  She knows I like to be bit.  Again, a new revelation.  The pattern continued, our top playing with the rope.  We, the bottoms, react to him and each other.  Many times, I want to kiss her, but being in such a public setting, I still haven’t let go of that uneasiness of PDA.  I did once, though, place a kiss on her lips, almost without thinking.

It has been a tip-toe approach, building relationships within the community and testing my interests ever so slowly.  The community has taught me much about consent, negotiations, relationships, and communication.  The last few months have allowed me to push my physical limits and explore my body confidence.  The people have welcomed me, and I feel at home with this new tribe of mine.  I have made friends I know will stay with me for a long time.  I have pushed myself to explore myself.  I am continuing to gain insight.  I have this wonderful/scary world at my fingertips.  I am eating it a little bite at a time.

10-Year Take:

I enjoyed reading that! It was a different time for me. I loved the experimentation of it all! I feel so much compersion for that version of me. The version of me that enjoyed rope and enjoyed bottoming. I can’t say that currently, and I’m noticing some sadness. I’ve stopped playing with rope as a bottom, and rarely do I touch it as a top. In fact, I seldom play in kink space, and I haven’t been to a kink party in years.

As I’ve been considering my neurodivergence, I think that maybe kink isn’t my “special interest” anymore. I still attend munches but barely engage in the community outside of those public spaces.

My partner still loves the kink world and rope. Thankfully, we have friends with whom he ties. Source the shit out that you don’t enjoy! There is zero reason to go beyond your willingness.

Does kink show up in our sexy play? Sometimes. But I have to be reminded that it’s fun.

Have I mentioned that I discovered that I don’t see pictures in my mind, so I don’t fantasize? This is called Aphantasia. I think that plays a role, too, especially when it’s not my “special interest.”

I look back at these memories with so much appreciation that I had the opportunity to explore myself with such great people and a variety of experiences. It was good for me.