The Healing Power of Nakedness and Sisterhood
In 2014, I started a blog called Sex After Marriage. I was going through the transformation one does after coming out of an 18-year marriage with a man that I met at 17 years old. I was finding out who I was. I started this blog to chronicle my journey. I figured that if I was inspiring myself, I would surely inspire others.
In 2024, it’s now been 10 years. I thought it might be time to republish the blog with my “10-Year Take”. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s changed and what has stayed the same. This is a gift to myself as I come into my 50th year on this planet, the same age my mom lost her 2-year battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. In some ways, it feels like I’m on borrowed time. In other ways, I feel like I’m completing her incomplete journey. Mom, you are missed and I’m not sure I would have gotten here if I hadn’t had to feel the loss of you. Thank you for reading.
February 7, 2015
I stood in the mirror this morning, applying warm coconut oil to my silky, freshly shaved skin. I love the feel of my own skin. I looked at my body in the mirror, admiring what I saw. I’m not a size 16 plus sized (photo shopped) swim suit model but I still love myself just as I am. I love the curves of my body. I love the feel of my skin. (I will admit, sometimes pictures still bring up negative feelings. I’m not perfect.)
I went to my closet and I picked out a pair of panties, knowing that tonight I very well could get partially naked at a BDSM play party. Something about considering that when getting dressed is kind of fun.
In a previous post, I wrote about ways I have learned to appreciate my body, just as it is. Today I want to add another exercise that continues to heal me. Today I want to talk more about being partially naked in public, non-sex situations. I wrote about it in “Fun with Ropes…” Joining the local BDSM community as well as kink/fetish online communities, I have gained an extra appreciation for my body. I can witness people loving on bodies just like mine, boosting my confidence. I can put myself out there without fear of criticism. The community embraces all body types and all sizes. It is really one of the most loving, supportive groups I have been involved in. Is it because they are more sex-positive than the general public? I think that plays a huge role in it. In my experience, the women in that community care for each other.
I have memories of my weekend in NYC last November when I attended Betty Dodson’s Bodysex workshop. It is the same sisterhood I have in the BDSM community. Betty and Carlin reminded me how important the sisterhood is.
Do you know the sisterhood?
10-Year Take:
Where do I start? I don’t get excited picking out panties any longer. In fact, I wear the same style and color of panties almost every day. I also haven’t been to a BDSM play party in years! I’m not that involved in the community, though I do attend a munch here and there.
Getting naked in public spaces is so normalized for me. I have way more stress figuring out what to wear in my very much normally-I’m-clothed world.
That said, I learned a lot about how powerful normalizing nudity and our bodies is and how helpful nudity in public spaces can be for improving body image. (Here’s a write-up.) I’ve brought it into my work with many clients. While most of my work is clothed, when a client mentions body image issues, and when they are ready for it, I offer nudity in my platonic sessions. Standing naked in front of another person and while sharing a mirror (if they are ready) is transforming for so many people I’ve worked with. My comfort lends itself to their eventual comfort. So liberating!
