The Power of Collaboration
CW: This case involves childhood sexual assault. While I don’t go into details, know that CSA is in the story of this case.
I experienced a first, just 2 weeks ago! And it’s not often I get to have a first! I’ve given myself some space to settle into the experience, for my client to settle into the experience, and for me to gain some clarity about how I want to share about it.
Note, my client has given me their expressed consent to share about our work together, as has the clinician on the case.
On Monday, March 24th, I held a longtime client of mine in their 3-hour session that was held in their home and included both EMDR and reiki from their talk therapist, Erin E. Kelly, LCSW, REAT, RYT-500. After the session was completed, I stayed for a bit of aftercare cuddles. This experience was a first for everyone! While the clinician, client, and I have been working together in the triadic model (collaboration) for about well over a year, coming up on two, we had never all been in the same location for all of our modalities to join forces.
What did it look like?
We set up the session to have me holding my client from behind in the mama bear pose.
I crawled onto the bed and supported my back with some pillows. The client leaned back into me. Were we comfy? We needed to be, as I knew we had up to 3 hours of EMDR planned. I didn’t want to have to change positions if the client didn’t need to. I wanted the most sustainability.
The therapist placed a chair at the end of the bed for themselves, and we placed another chair there as well to help support the client’s legs, which were overhanging at the end of the bed. Keeping everyone in their best physical comfort felt really important. In a Cuddlist session, we promise not to tolerate and to return to comfort if we find ourselves uncomfortable. This applied here, too, so accounting for as much of that in the setup was key.
We got started, and as the client told a graphic story, they turned to me and said, “Are you sure you’re ok with this?”
I stopped everything. It dawned on me that in all that prepping of the space, we forgot to do our opening agreement!
“Oops. We forgot to do our opening agreement. I know this is a bit of a different session, but it’s still important, and I think the reason just presented itself. I promise you that if ever I’m uncomfortable, I will let you know and do something to change it. That means if I’m physically or emotionally uncomfortable, I’ll let you know. You don’t have to wonder and try to take care of me. Can you do the same?” She agreed.
“So, do you trust me?” She nodded, and we went back to it. I felt the trust of both the client and the therapist.
What I learned?
Looking back, the next time I do a session like this (and we will continue to meet this way every 3 months or so), I will include the therapist in this same agreement. It felt good to have it with the client. It felt missing with the therapist in retrospect.
We held this position, the client and I, for 3 hours. Those 3 hours started with EMDR and ended with some reiki that the client asked the therapist for.
Points of interest for me, the platonic touch professional:
I’m used to holding space for intense traumatic memories. Having the therapist in the room and navigating the session took that responsibility off of me. It was nice to hold the client physically, yet not have to navigate the “journey” of the session. It was an interesting contrast.
I asked the therapist the next day if the EMDR was any different with me being there. Yes, the therapist reported that the client’s somatic release was much more intense.
I asked the client how they felt it was different. They noticed that having the EMDR with me holding them, let them participate in a different way, I “had them” and they could focus on the EMDR and then later the reiki. Having reiki while being held was a big highlight for the client. (Both client and therapist are reiki trained.)
I’ve had reiki just a couple of times in my life. I’m not super into it, but I don’t discount it. Being part of this session and watching the therapist use reiki, I realized that I want to get trained. I use so much intuition in my sessions around touch that I feel like I have a jump start on reiki already.
The short-term results?
In the 2 weeks following the combined session, the client has reported some big shifts! They have a history of fear of showering and rely heavily on sponge baths, as that is where a majority of their abuse happened. In the past, we’ve done some work to address this fear. I’ve walked in and out of the bathroom with them. I’ve stood in a non-running shower and helped them regulate. They’ve had some EMDR in the bathroom. I’ve even done some exposure therapy around rough washcloths and how they remind them of their father’s bristly face. As the days pass and the session gets more integrated into their system, the benefits start to be revealed. They’ve taken 2 showers because their body wanted to, and they’ve attended an annual doctor’s appointment solo, something they always took a friend with them in the past. Their throat is also feeling the shift as throat lozenges haven’t been needed, something very unusual for them.
But the most powerful result was that their young 7-year-old part felt safe, a new experience. Is that really the thing that clicked in this combined session, giving them such profound results of internal safety? The client had a longtime relationship with their therapist and me. We wrapped so much love and care around that young part, my body was literally wrapped around them. With the consistent building of trust and the co-regulation, this left a great impact on the client… and myself.
I’m so honored to be brought into my clients’ healing journeys. That they share the most vulnerable parts of their history and build their future with the trust and safety of our relationship means so much. Love heals.
What’s next?
The client thinks it’s important to share their case so others can find hope through their story. I think it’s important to see what more sessions like this can continue to offer the client. With all that said, a case study will come at some point.
Are you interested in experiencing something like this?
Learn more about working with me at humanconnectioncoach.com. You can send your therapist there too.
If you are a therapist interested in collaborating with a touch professional like a Cuddlist or others (even me), I invite you to check out the new Cuddlist Triadic Model Training. Here’s a link for 10% off.
