Chemistry, it was Easier in High School
In 2014, I started a blog called Sex After Marriage. I was going through the transformation one does after coming out of an 18-year marriage with a man that I met at 17 years old. I was finding out who I was. I started this blog to chronicle my journey. I figured that if I was inspiring myself, I would surely inspire others.
In 2024, it’s now been 10 years. I thought it might be time to republish the blog with my “10-Year Take”. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s changed and what has stayed the same. This is a gift to myself as I come into my 50th year on this planet, the same age my mom lost her 2-year battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. In some ways, it feels like I’m on borrowed time. In other ways, I feel like I’m completing her incomplete journey. Mom, you are missed and I’m not sure I would have gotten here if I hadn’t had to feel the loss of you. Thank you for reading.
Dated January 4, 2015
I was an A student. I didn’t study too hard in high school. I didn’t graduate top of my class but I was in the top 10% if I remember correctly. High school came very easy to me, including Chemistry.
Enter dating. I haven’t dated since I was 17. Thankfully, I find it fun to meet new people, because trust me, I will be doing it for a very long time. *smiles* Dating is good for me. It is how I figure out what I am looking for in a mate or mates. I learn a lot about myself, and where my personal strengths and weaknesses are. I also learn a lot about failed relationships, communication styles, and people in general.
The BIGGEST lesson I have learned: Mutual chemistry is hard to find! I have dated (meaning met in person) probably 15-20 people through online dating or in-person introductions. I was attracted to some and the sex was good/great but I don’t necessarily want to see them often or maybe ever again. I have met even less that I felt chemistry with, meaning the sex was good/great and I really want to keep seeing them and often because I really like them. Sometimes the other person is really into me and I’m not that into them. Sometimes I am really into them and they just aren’t that into me. Chemistry is hard! Having, if you will, the stars align and you “clicking” where the other person feels the same – very, very rare, at least for me. Which is why you have to keep meeting people.
How do I meet people? I join clubs/groups so that the people I am meeting already share a common interest. I also use online dating sites. These help me increase the number of people I meet because it really is a numbers game. The more people I meet, the better chance of meeting someone I “click” with. It’s like playing the lotto. You can’t win if you don’t play! Go play!
10-Year Take:
I’ve had 2 pretty serious long-term relationships post-divorce. They were both people I met at an event. I tend to lean towards this when working with clients. That said, a client recently showed me a graphic that declared that most people met their person on an app, so maybe I’m wrong. *shrug
I really struggled with looking at a picture or even reading a bio and getting any sense of whether I’d want to meet them. While I’m not currently dating, I do use one app for events that happens to also be a dating app, and I can barely take myself to that section of the app. I just really hate the experience of shopping for people to connect with.
That said, if dating apps work for you, great! I think I like my chemistry to come first.
