Are we Dating or Fun-Friends?
In 2014, I started a blog called Sex After Marriage. I was going through the transformation one does after coming out of an 18-year marriage with a man that I met at 17 years old. I was finding out who I was. I started this blog to chronicle my journey. I figured that if I was inspiring myself, I would surely inspire others.
In 2024, it’s now been 10 years. I thought it might be time to republish the blog with my “10-Year Take”. I’m looking forward to seeing what’s changed and what has stayed the same. This is a gift to myself as I come into my 50th year on this planet, the same age my mom lost her 2-year battle with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. In some ways, it feels like I’m on borrowed time. In other ways, I feel like I’m completing her incomplete journey. Mom, you are missed and I’m not sure I would have gotten here if I hadn’t had to feel the loss of you. Thank you for reading.
Dated January 9, 2015
When I was in second grade, a boy passed me a folded-up piece of paper. It read, “Will you go with me?” There was an option to circle yes or no. He also sent that same note to two of my friends. We all said yes. Nobody thought anything of it. Of course, it was second grade, and honestly, I never even ended up kissing that boy. (It’s still on my to-do list.)
Was that my introduction to polyamory? It surely makes for a cute story about where it all started.
What does it look like to openly date a few people who are also dating a few people? It looks like regular dating, except you might meet the other people the others are dating. It could even be that the person you are dating is married, and you might meet their spouse. That is what makes it “ethical non-monogamy.”
I have a confession, though. Because I am sexually free and open, I have a hard time deciphering whether I am dating someone or just fun friends. But really, what is the difference? If we enjoy spending time with each other and we share open and honest communication, does it matter what we call it?
“All of my lovers had the potential for becoming friends, and all of my friends had the potential for becoming lovers.” ~ Betty Dodson, Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving
10-Year Take:
Part of republishing this blog is that it’s a birthday gift to myself. Friends invited me to Oakland to stay with them for a mini writing retreat. Last night, one asked if I was noticing any themes as I was dropping all these drafts into the backend of this blog. “Yeah, that I’m obsessed with labels. Words are clearly very important to me.”
He chuckled as we were just discussing using plant types to describe different forms of relating, especially in polyamory. I’m still obsessed with finding the exact words to describe my thoughts and expectations accurately.
